Not for the Rack: High Waists

Just a quick reminder that tomorrow I pick the winner of the bra that didn't fit me. Hope you will enter if you think it might fit you, because it's a cute bra.

And now, today is another blog concerning . . .

Bad for Boobs: High Waist Bottoms

I know it seems odd to talk about the bottom half when concerned with the top, but unless you have a very long torso and your large rack is not really all that large, you probably should avoid this look. I know, I know, the runways have been all over with those gorgeous wide leg, high waist jeans that just walked off the set of Dased and Confused.

I want them, I really do. And then I go try them on . . .

 And I have to bitch slap myself with the proverbial, no, bad Gail! Because what do they make me look like? I mean really? A sort of strange alien creature that's all legs with boobs sitting right on top of the waistband like some sort of freak of nature lacking all internal organs.

Be brutal with yourselves, my dear well endowed readers. Take a step back from the mirror and a long hard look for this is not the style for you. It may be French chic or sailor sexy or 70's cool but on a girl with curves? You enter Mom jean territory really darn quickly.

This applies not only to pants but to skirts and dresses cut in the baby-doll style. Unless you want the illusion of no waist (for example you have a tummy to hide) this cut will only make the well endowed up top look dumpy. On the other hand if you are smaller on top? Go for it!

Vionnet 1938 and Claire McCardell 1956

And skirts too, I'm afraid.

This is also one of the many reasons I so rarely tuck in a blouse or shirt, it just poofs out over the waistband of my skirt and looks like my rack has fallen down to rest in the region of my bellybutton. So not flattering.

Cachotier 1951

And now an bra hunt update for my Fashionable Readers.

A recent purchase of the Anita Maternity Women's Softcup Nursing Bra was a tentative success. It's a little small for me at 32H (eep!) but comfortable enough to keep. It doesn't give me as good a vintage look as I had hoped, but it'll do for now. Oh, and it's hideous, like the white granny panty of bra-dom. Coincidentally, The Lingerie Addict tackled bras for the busty recently. As ever, they are either padded, don't come in my size, have visible seams, or have underwire ~ often all three, but some might be helpful for those of you less picky than self. What I wouldn't give for a pretty, well-fitted, seamless, wire-free t-shirt bra. Actually, what I would give ~ upwards on $100 at this point.

Boom!!!!!!

JUST A FEW DAYS AGO ANOTHER SUICIDE BOMBER KILLED 13 AMERICAN TROOPS IN KABUL, AFGHANISTAN.  THIS IS JUST ONE IN A LONG STREAM OF CONTINUING ATTACKS NOT ONLY ON OUR BOYS, BUT ON AFGAN AND IRAQI CIVILIANS.  THESE ATTACKS ARE DIRECTED BY FORCES OUTSIDE THE TERRITORIAL CONFINES OF BOTH IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN WITH THE GOVERNMENTS OF IRAN AND PAKISTAN BEING COMPLICIT IN ALMOST ALL ATTACKS AND OUR "GREAT" LEADERS TURN A BLIND EYE.  I'M NOT JUST POINTING THE FINGER AT THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION, BUT AT THE PREVIOUS BUSH ADMINISTRATION.  IN MY LIFETIME I'M SEEN ATTACKS ON AMERICAN TROOPS FROM SELF-IMPOSED SANCTUARIES AROUND THE WORLD GO UNPUNISHED.  IF THIS IS THE WAY WE FIGHT OUR WARS ITS TIME TO LEAVE THE FIELD TO THE ENEMY.  SANCTUARY SHOULD BE A FORBIDDEN TERM WHEN IT COMING TO OUR FIGHTING MEN AND WE SHOULD GO TO WAR ONLY WHEN WE ARE ABLE TO UNSHACKLE THE FULL MIGHT OF THE U.S.  WAR MACHINE.  OUR LEADERS BOTH PAST AND PRESENT ARE COWARDS AND HAVE BEEN FIGHTING HOT WARS, SOMETIME WITH MORE DIPLOMACY THAN BOMBS.  WE ARE NOW REAPING THE WHIRLWIND OF POLITICAL CORRECTNESS AND THE INSANITY OF SANCTUARY ZONES.  UNLESS WE TAKE OUT THOSE FORCES HIDING IN THE "FORBIDDEN" ZONES WE SHOULD EXPECT THE "BOOMS" TO BECOME LOUDER AND PREPARE FOR THE INEVITABLE DEFEAT THAT COMES FROM WEAKNESS IN THE FACE OF THE ENEMY.  WEAKNESS, NOT FROM OUR BRAVE TROOPS ON THE GROUND, BUT FROM THE VERY LEADERS WHO PUT THEM IN HARMS WAY.

Drinking with David Janssen "The Fugitive"

David Janssen 1931-1980

IN THE LATE 1960's-EARLY 1970's I SPENT MY SUMMER MONTHS IN ACAPULCO, MEXICO.  I WAS SINGLE AND TEACHING AMERICAN HISTORY AT LIBERTY HIGH SCHOOL IN AMITE COUNTY, MISSISSIPPI.  WAS VERY WILD IN THOSE DAYS AND SPENT AT LEAST TWO MONTHS OF EACH YEAR SOUTH-OF-THE-BORDER, MOSTLY IN  ACAPULCO.  MY FIRST TRIP WAS INSPIRED BY THE OLD ELVIS MOVIE "FUN IN ACAPULCO" WHICH CAME OUT IN 1963 AND WAS FILMED IN ACAPULCO AROUND THE OLD "ACAPULCO HILTON".  I KNEW WHEN I FIRST SAW THE FILM THAT ONE DAY I WOULD SWIM IN THAT HILTON POOL WHERE ELVIS WAS.  THUS, MY FIRST TRIP TO THAT CITY IN 1966. SEVERAL YEARS LATER ON ONE OF WHAT WOULD BECOME AN ANNUAL PILGRIMAGE I MET THREE CANADIANS GUYS FROM TORONTO. WE BECAME GOOD FRIENDS AND PLANNED OUR FUTURE TRIPS TO THAT GREAT TOWN. 

TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT, AND IT IS A LONG STORY, ON ONE TRIP WE HAD BEEN SEEING SOME STEWARDESSES WHO WORKED FOR QANTAS AIRLINES.  THEY WOULD OFTEN FLY DOWN FROM SAN FRANCISCO ON THE WEEKEND AND SPEND A FEW DAYS WITH US AT OUR "A"FRAME CABIN ACROSS FROM THE BEACH.  ON A TRIP TO THE AIRPORT TO PICK THE GIRLS UP DAVID, JOHN, EUGENE (MY CANADIAN FRIENDS, AND I WERE SITTING IN THE AIRPORT LOUNGE WAITING FOR THEIR FLIGHT TO COME IN.  I LOOKED AT A SOLITARY MAN SITTING AT THE BAR AND TOLD MY FRIENDS THAT WAS DAVID JANSSEN--THEY DIDN'T THINK SO.  I GOT UP AND WALKED OVER TO THE MAN AND POLITELY ASKED HIM IF HE WAS "DAVID JANSSEN" AND TO MY SURPRISE HE SAID YES, AND INVITED ME TO SIT AND HAVE A DRINK.  WE HAVE SEVERAL OVER ABOUT A 30 MINUTE PERIOD AND THEN PARTED COMPANY.  YES, I DRANK WITH DAVID JANSSEN.  NEXT WEEK WE WERE BACK AT THE AIRPORT SEEING THE GIRLS OFF AND MUCH TO MY SURPRISE TONY CURTIS AND DAVID WERE AT THE BAR. I APPROACHED THE TWO, DAVID REMEMBERED ME, BUT OTHER THAN INTRODUCING ME TO TONY GAVE ME LITTLE TIME. ON OUR RETURN TRIP TO TOWN FROM THE AIRPORT WE STOPPED AT THE PEMEX STATION TO GAS UP AND SAW DAVID AND TONY WITH TWO VERY YOUNG MEXICAN GIRLS GASSING UP THEIR VAN---I KNEW THEN WHY HE DIDN'T HAVE TIME FOR ME AT THE AIRPORT LOUNGE!!! 

STRANGELY OF ALL THE EVENTS ON THE TRIP, INCLUDING THE MANY NIGHTS AT THE "ZONA ROJO" MEETING DAVID JANSSEN AND HAVING THOSE DRINKS WITH "THE FUGITIVE" IS THE ONE THAT STANDS OUT.

For those who are not old enough to remember "The Fugitive" TV series was the most popular of its day from 1963-'67.  The 1993 movie "The Fugitive" with Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones was based entirely on that series from the 1960's.  And in case you may be wondering how a lowly teacher could afford those months in Mexico---the "A-frame" on the beach rented for $300 a month--split 4 ways came out for less than $3 a day for the 4 of us.  Beer was less than 50 centavos when the rate of exchange was 12.5 pecos to a dollar, that comes out to about $.04 cent per beer when purchased at the "Super-Super" their big super market.  And as for the cost of certain unnamed products in the "zona roja" (the red light district) I'll leave that to your imagination! And we always avoided the "tourista" traps, but occasionally did stumble into that dreaded "TOURISTA" better known as "Montezuma's revenge" or to you who are uninformed "diarrhea"!

Imperialist Pigs, No Cheering Crowds

Cartoon by Nate Beeler

IF ANY OF YOU THINK THOSE CAMEL JOCKEYS IN THE NEAR EAST AND MIDDLE EAST LOVE US OR EVEN LIKE US JUST A LITTLE YOU'RE AS DUMB AS THE MOUSE WHO TRIED TO RIDE ON THE CATS BACK. THIS IS WHAT WE'LL GET THE DAY WE EXIT IRAQ AND AFGHANISTAN.  WHAT A WASTE OF MEN, TIME AND TREASURE!  THE CHEERING CROWDS THAT GREETED US WHEN WILL KICKED OUT SADDAM HUSSEIN WILL BE CHEERING OUT EXIT.  WE DID THE DIRTY WORK AND NOW THEY ARE READY TO BRUSH US ASIDE AND GET ON WITH THEIR ISLAMIC FANATICISM---THAT'S THE LATEST FADE SWEEPING THE MIDDLE EAST, ITS THE ARAB SPRING---DEMOCRACY MY ASS!  NEXT TIME WE SHOULD JUST NUKE THE BASTARDS AND BE DONE WITH THEM.  NATION BUILDING ON CAMEL DUNG IS NOT POSSIBLE.
Just a historical footnote: It was the American progressive movement that cheered on the Russian Revolution, it was the American progressive movement that cheered on the the grand Fascist movement in Italy under Benito Mussolini and finally the same bunch cheered the rise of National Socialism in Germany under Adolf Hitler until he turned his guns on their bevoved communist Russia. And now the same folks are cheering on the forces of the Arab Spring, ha!

Not for the Rack: Architectural Draping

We continue with our occasional series on that which one should not don, if one is well endowed.

So far, Fashionable Reader, we have covered avoiding Boxy Tops, Bulky Tops (chunky knits & detail and fuss around the chest) and Backless Tops, none of which particularly distress me. But now we are on to a topic near and dear to my heart. For if I were not a retro girl by body-driven necessity and constant craving for unique outfits, I would be an ultra-modern, Nikita-style, architecturally draped amazon of athletic proportions, rocking chic minimalism. Yeah, yeah, if wishes were horses I'd own a hundred pairs of riding boots.

Bad for the Boobs ~ Architectural Draping

It pains me to report this, my dear ladies of means, but we must avoid with great care the stunning draping that turns women into mere scaffolding for origami structures of cloth fabulousness. I love this style. No, I really do. Sadly, I have to avoid most of it.

Modern example and one from 1920s dress via Timeless Vixen Vintage.

I had this black skirt in high school, with a kind of pull cord on one side, made out of parachute material. I called it my garbage-bag skirt, because it looked not-unlike I was wearing a black plastic garbage bag. I adored that skirt. This is a terrible confession to make, Fashionable Reader, but on occasion my taste veers in ugly-cool. These days I try to confine it to accessories, but it slips out into a mad passionate affair with architectural draping. Draping I could never wear.

Why no draping, Miss Gail?

Well, I may be a bit extreme here, in vetoing them all (and there are exceptions, see bellow) but, by-in-large, modern architectural style adds volume to a girl (and the girls). Inevitably, there is that little flap of artfully draped material that pokes out over the Rack, making the Rack even larger-looking not to mention longer and wider, right down to the stomach. Extra volume up top adds, well extra volume up top. Wide shoulders flow into big boobs, and huge neck collars draw atention to the face but they also often shift attention down to emphasize the chest area. Ample endowments push the folds and flaps of fabric outwards making me look, frankly, dumpy.

One shoulder styles do not allow a girl to wear a bra, and more often than not my smallest body parts (ribs, waist, hips) get lost in swathes fabric. That said, if you have great legs and a tummy to hide, this may be the style for you.

Filmy material or stiff, jersey or plaid, it's pretty much hopeless. This is one of the many reasons the 1920s are out for me. I just don't look good as a flapper.

Oh but I love this style so much. Every time I am at Max Studio or BCBG (at the outlet mall, mind you) one or two jersey draped dresses get carried hopefully into the changing room with me and then . . . I put them on. And they just look so awful, it's quite upsetting (and I buy a cute knit sweater or pencil skirt to console myself.)

That said, I have had some luck with a few exceptions to this rule. I own one dress from Max Studio in a dark grey jersey that has a kind of drape cut to it (see bellow). It's very body conscious and sexy but it works because the fabric is mainly tight to the torso and the draping is off over one shoulder, rather than on the boob, as if it were a scarf. I haven't yet had a chance to wear it, but I do adore it and I think it looks great. It reamains to be seen how others take it.

And here are a few others that might work with a rack.

And lastly, of course, some lovely fitted draping did come in the early 1950s. That always look stunning, if you ask me!

1950s Jean Dessès dress via Antique Dress

Draping like this can hide a multitude of cellulite sins, so give it a try, but otherwise tread into architectural styling with the greatest of care.

Fridays Jokes and Jugs

The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone..

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until A woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird , who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

Why ???  OH, come on... take a guess !!!  Think about it !!!

You're going to love this !!!

Everyone knows.. You can't kill Two Birds with Onestone!

Miss "Two Jugs"

Proper Foundation Garments, Part 3: Corsets!

So my dears it is time for us to discuss one of my all time favorite items . . .

Corsets!

Please allow me, Fashionable Reader, to do a quick proof of credentials. I've been wearing confining structured apparel since I was 14. I started out with a Ren Faire peasant bodice (which is NOT technically a corset) and moved on to work events as a professional corset fitter and sometime model for a well known bridal boutique and high-end custom corset maker for 10 years. I'm probably one of the fastest lacers (and tightest, if you want it) that you will ever meet. I've worked quick change runway situations ~ with corsets. I've had jobs were I spent over 18 hours in a corset, all of them on my feet, running around, bending down (not at the waist) and lacing others up, probubly nigh on 100 a day. So there you have it, there are others out there more qualified than me, but I do have some experience in this matter.

The Question?

scullerym8d0182 asked Lord Akeldama recently . . .

Lord Akeldama, I am a girl of considerable girth and would like to find a corset to affect the illusion of a waist, but alas sizing seems horribly confusing. Any tips?

To which the vampire replied,

My dear sudsy muffin, what would I know of ladies foundation garments? I pass you along to my creator . . .

Gail says in answer to this particular question . . .

Truthfully, my dear, you must get thyself to a professional corset maker. And not a "friedn of a friend" please. Someone who has made over a 100 corsets. A good corset is even harder to fit than a bra, especially if you are uncomfortable with finding the right size. Dark Garden in San Francisco is marvelous, and also present at the Dickens Christmas Fair and Folsom Street Fair. They make corsets up to a 38" (and even larger custom). I can often fit up to a 48" measured waist into a 38" corset waist (explanation of sizing to come).

What to look for?

If not local to the Bay Area, you must seek out a maker who specializes in fully-lined spring-steel multi-boned corsets - no plastic, no satin, and no lace. Here are some other things to look for:

A busk up the front, preferably made in Germany.

Image courtesy of Dark Garden.

Ribbon laces up the back. NOT SHOE LACES or anything tubular like that, flat and not stretchy is important it will effect how tight you can lace and how much the corset shifts around.

 Image courtesy of Dark Garden.

Cross lacing means the laces should loop at the center, and that is where you pull to tighten completely. The act of pulling the top part of the loop tightens the bottom part of the corset, and visa versa.

A corset that fits has from 1.5 ~ 3 inches lacing space at the back (see above image), so that you have room to tighten or to loosen. It should never meet perfectly, unless it is being used as, for example, the bodice of a wedding gown.

 Image courtesy of Dark Garden.

Check the inside of any corset: it should be lined completely with strong durable poplin (cotton) and have the internal waist tape present.

 Image courtesy of Dark Garden.

On this special corset you can see through to the waist tapes.

Anything under $300 and you should be wary, not excited, about a bargain. 

Sizing?
 

scullerym8d0182's sizing confusion is due to the measurement system for corsets. Most (but not all) corsets are sized to the natural waist and then deducted. Run a measuring tape around your actual natural waist (below the ribs and above the hips). Then deduct anything from 4 to 8 inches depending on the maker and style of corset and your "squish factor." This will all depend on your body and how tight you can go and whole host of other traits. For example, I have a 27 inch waist and wear an (off the rack) 22 waist cinch but a 26 overbust. I am not very squishy. Squish factor is not dependent upon your size as a person, but is an indefinable judgement call made by the corset fitter. This is the number one reason I never recommend buying a corset online. 

Th extremes of corsetry: My tiny little Swiss waist under-bust comfortable at 22" called "The Circus," shown with a steampunk outfit and tight laced for modeling. Versus Jessica in a lovely full body corset (hobble hobble) image courtesy of Dark Garden.

If you are hurting to find a place where you can go in and try a corset on, there are corset makers at SF/F conventions. Some dealer rooms are open to the public, so you may not even need buy a day pass. I'm a little snobbish about their wears as a rule, but they can work well as a first corset. Don't allow the vendor to argu you into buying anything that doesn't fit right. Or you can try a leather corset from a BDSM seller. Leather has a nice stretch and breath-ability to it that I love for a corset. Both of these venues should carry larger sizes.

More advice?

Have the corset seller train who ever will be putting you into and out of your corset, or identify this person in your friendship group. Most men are terrible lacers! They think you should grab and simply pull as hard and fast as you can from the waist, as if lacing a shoe. Gone With The Wind got it WRONG, you work gently from the top down and then bottom up and then pull through the middle. You tighten by pulling the laces out to either side, never straight back! 

Bad bad bad girls!

It is possible to lace yourself in. I do it all the time. Contrary to popular belief, I do not travel to Steampunk conventions with a lady's maid. So every time you see me away from home and in a corset, I probubly did it myself. You will never be able to get yourself as tight as someone else can and it takes practice and flexibility. You need to be able to tie a bow behind your back. Many of my friends have "corset companions" fellow devotees who also wear corsets so they lace each other up at conventions or other events.
 

Why lace from the top down first?

So that the corset rests down onto your hips and does not ride up over your kidneys. You may need to lean forward (not bend) from the hips to settle your rack into the top of the corset. If a corset is laced too high you will get the "kidney feeling" which manifests differently in different people. I feel it as a slight sick queesyness, others start to cold sweet, some just get an ache on their side. You should stop and unlace immediately. Wait for a bit then re-lace, tugging the corset downwards to "settle" it.

My custom "Fancy" corset.

Please never never never tie your laces around the waist of your corset! Unless you want to shorten the corset's life. The laces cut into the fabric at the boning and will cause it to fray.

Don't bend in a corset. Get used to using your thighs to bend, it's good exercise anyway.

Always wear something under your corset, even if it is only a light slip (you can alwasy tuck the straps and such down so they don't show. This is to protect the corset form your sweat. It is very hard to find anyone who knows how to clean a corset properly. If you do need ot get it cleaned, hunt down a bridal gown specialist and keep your fingers crossed. 

Make sure, if you have an underbust, that you are putting it on the right way up. Dark Garden puts a tag in the back next to the laces, the tag should be up.  If there is no tag 99% of corsets have the pips (male) of the bust on the left side and the loops (hooks, female) on the right.

Choosing a Style?

 The waistcoat style under-bust I need to wear a bra with it, and Autumn in the original, Image courtesy of Dark Garden.

An underbust corset is not recommended if you have a massive rack. But the full back support is lovely.


There are all sorts of other things to consider, not just the style of corset, but where the boning lies and how it is angled, like the balcony bra versus the full coverage versus the push-up versus the demi they all do different things to your rack and your choice shoudl reflect how you want the ladies to look. 

Image courtesy of Dark Garden.

Here is a small idea of the difference with my Rack as the model . . .

My spoon corset is an off-the-rack 26 Victorian overbust. The boobs are not fully seated into the cups which are too small for me. (This was the fist corset I ever owned, made-over.) But next to it is the same corset made as a custom to my shape so it has about a 23 waist and much more room in the cups. This is a full coverage corset, which means breasts are meant to sit down inside the cups and be fully suported, not necessarily lifted up to the "butt cleavage" arena.

A modern cut scoop neck corset. This one is more like a demi-bra, my boobs sit down and inside the cup but are also pressed in and up with angled stays from the side, to give me a slight butt look.

Like the balcony bra, this Classic (straight across) corset has straight stays up-and-down all the way around, which provides mostly uplift. It's also laced very tight in this image giving me the uber butt look. Only in a corset or costume situation do I feel this is appropraite. You will see me slam it elsewhere in this blog if I spot it on the runway of in the street.

I hope that is enough on corsets for now. 

1891 Corset Gold Leaf

 Photo by J. Daniel Sawyer.